How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
