Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
