Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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