playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
