***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my being single is dangerous.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
