Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
