i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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