Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize