Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
