fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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