Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
