Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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