i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
