Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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