I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
