sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just cropdusted the office
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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