You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
