I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
