what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
