I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I am midnight drunk by noon
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
