my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
