I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
