just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize