she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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