I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
