I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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