His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
