So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
