U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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