My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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