brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
