I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
