I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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