You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
