I am in a vortex of obligation.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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