It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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