btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
