Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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