I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
