Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
