She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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