Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
