just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
