I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
