smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize