Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
