so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
