from now on my penis is your penis
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
