I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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