she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
