My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
