i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
