Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
