from now on my penis is your penis
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
