i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
