I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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