You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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