Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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