Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
