so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
