I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
