Apparently you make a good broom.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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