Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
