Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
birth control should be required to get into college
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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