I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
